The ties that bind

Lately I've been feeling tension. It's astounding how quietly it slips in, hardly noticeable at first, but then I am bound by it. Tension because of expectations. Relationships. Academics. Emotions. Insecurities. Authorities. Indecision. Anticipation. Insufficiency. Uncertainty.

I got an email from a professor about some obscure assignment. He emailed the attachment, and it looked like it was written in code. I could not understand it at all. He wrote again later:

Hey all,

Sorry, I've been sending the wrong msg to the wrong class,
ooooooooouchhhhhhhh, my bad. Disregard msgs to anything called "IBM"

Mark

When I got this email it was like one of the ropes snapped and tension released. I suddenly noticed just how many ropes were wrapped around me.

Ruth Lin always tells me about good tension and bad tension. This is the bad kind. The kind of tension that comes from self reliance and doubt. I know that my tendency is to wait for every single rope to snap, and for every situation to be resolved. And by then, there are so many more. Constant tension. But there is a better way.

"But the LORD is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked." Psalm 129:4

"I'm in peace, I feel sweetly released from all that I couldn't let go." - Priscilla Ahn