Sheltered

Walking home on a weekend 2 a.m. is always a bad choice. How do I forget this?
I like to think of myself as capable, independent, sufficient. It's not that I don't like to receive help, but I definitely don't like to ask for it. I always thought there was too much hoopla about walking girls home at night. Especially walking back to East Quad, I consider myself an exception from the "It's not safe" bracket. I mean, it's all public space, lit streets, cops on every corner, right?

Drunkenness, it seems, leads to unusual thought processes, and the voicing of these thoughts. I don't want to hear what they are thinking. Walking two blocks was like walking the gauntlet, between bars, between conversations, swerving to avoid sudden staggers, and trying my hardest to pretend I didn't hear when they were talking about me. Why were they talking about me when there are girls everywhere? Did I look too sober? Backpack, ugly sweatshirt, hurried steps. Why did he start to follow me? His attention span only lasted for a few seconds anyways and I was lost in the mob waiting in line for backroom pizza.

It was such a relief to see a few HMCC seniors outside of Pizza House. But even upon returning to my own room, I hadn't escaped the gauntlet. Curtains closed, light on, I was sitting on my bed to journal a bit. The sidewalk is not far from my ground floor window, and I could hear the conversations of passersby. I could hear as they stopped at my window. Noticed MY lamp in the window. Started shouting at ME. Someone came up and pounded on the glass, saying obnoxious and disgusting things through the screen. I felt like I couldn't move. From the sidewalk his friends shouted 'she probably just wants to read.' I guess my curtains don't do much. He left eventually.

I know my three older brothers are so protective. Some of my friends are too. It's a privilege to have that shelter, that protection. I'm not familiar with feeling unsafe. It's not that anything could have happened tonight, but I just longed for that shelter, for that person who could say "she's with me" so I could truly ignore whatever anyone else said.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust"... He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart... You will not fear the terror of night... no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;" Psalm 19

Addendum: UM DPS Crime alert #4- last night a female student was sexually assaulted by the west hall arch, and again by cc little by the same guy. Dps says
* Look assertive and be aware of your surroundings.
* Walk with a trusted friend or co-worker when possible.
* Trust your intuition. If a particular situation makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, choose an alternative.

Don't worry don't worry, I will walk home with someone from now on. It's just a wake up call to myself and any ladies reading.