What are you gonna be when you grow up?

So... I make music.

I'm not a professional. In fact, I still have no idea what I'm doing 90% of the time. But I know that God has given me a gift of creativity and musical ability, and I want to steward it as best as I can. People ask me sometimes "What are you going to do with your music?"

I guess my first dilemma is that I don't really feel that my role in the music is significant enough to call it "mine." If there is any song I have written that may have encouraged, spoken to, or touched someone, I know that it wasn't because of my ability, but because of God. Secondly... I have no idea what I can or should do. That's how I generally feel. I feel pretty inadequate and clueless, but I'm completely open to whatever God has in mind.

I think I tend to be too timid about it. I'm afraid of my own pride so I don't really do as much as I could. I want to use this gift CONFIDENTLY- For the glory of God. By hiding or pretending that I don't have a gift, I may be saving myself from the risk of inflated pride, but I'm also avoiding opportunities to announce, proclaim, declare the goodness of God through an avenue that people will actually listen to. They ignore street preachers (so do I). They avoid church. But they all listen to music. I know they do.

[Trying to be be confident in this without being prideful is like walking a tight rope while looking down.]

Today I read the last chapter of John. I loved it, especially the very last verse:

"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

I pray that 'my' songs can be like this: stories of what Jesus has done, and is doing. I pray that God can use this gift to open eyes, hearts, and minds, and to plant seeds there. Seeds of encouragement, healing, hope, faith, and TRUTH. I pray that God will use me, and these songs, to uproot discouragement, doubt, despair, and lies. And I pray most of all that whatever and wherever I sing, He would be the only one who is glorified.

http://www.myspace.com/abigailstauffer