What are you gonna be when you grow up?

So... I make music.

I'm not a professional. In fact, I still have no idea what I'm doing 90% of the time. But I know that God has given me a gift of creativity and musical ability, and I want to steward it as best as I can. People ask me sometimes "What are you going to do with your music?"

I guess my first dilemma is that I don't really feel that my role in the music is significant enough to call it "mine." If there is any song I have written that may have encouraged, spoken to, or touched someone, I know that it wasn't because of my ability, but because of God. Secondly... I have no idea what I can or should do. That's how I generally feel. I feel pretty inadequate and clueless, but I'm completely open to whatever God has in mind.

I think I tend to be too timid about it. I'm afraid of my own pride so I don't really do as much as I could. I want to use this gift CONFIDENTLY- For the glory of God. By hiding or pretending that I don't have a gift, I may be saving myself from the risk of inflated pride, but I'm also avoiding opportunities to announce, proclaim, declare the goodness of God through an avenue that people will actually listen to. They ignore street preachers (so do I). They avoid church. But they all listen to music. I know they do.

[Trying to be be confident in this without being prideful is like walking a tight rope while looking down.]

Today I read the last chapter of John. I loved it, especially the very last verse:

"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

I pray that 'my' songs can be like this: stories of what Jesus has done, and is doing. I pray that God can use this gift to open eyes, hearts, and minds, and to plant seeds there. Seeds of encouragement, healing, hope, faith, and TRUTH. I pray that God will use me, and these songs, to uproot discouragement, doubt, despair, and lies. And I pray most of all that whatever and wherever I sing, He would be the only one who is glorified.

http://www.myspace.com/abigailstauffer

Your Geat Reward

[An excerpt from a book written in the 1930s, "God Calling" edited by A.J. Russel. This was written for January 24th.]

You pray for faith, and you are told to do so . But I make provision in the house of my abiding for those who turn towards me and yet have weak knees and hearts that faint. Be not afraid. I am your God. Your Great Reward. Yours to look up to and say "All is well."
I am your Guide. Do not look to see the road ahead. Go just one step at a time. I very rarely grant the long vista to my disciples, especially in personal affairs, for one step at a time is the best way to cultivate faith.

You are in uncharted waters. But the Lord of all Seas is with you, the Controller of all Storms is with you. Sing with joy. You follow the Lord of Limitations, as well as the God in whose service is perfect freedom.

He, the God of the Universe confined Himself within the narrow limits of a baby-form and, in growing boyhood, and young manhood, submitted to your human limitations, and you have to learn that your vision and power, boundless as far as spiritual things are concerned, must in temporal affairs submit to these limitations too.

But I am with you. It was when the disciples gave up effort after a night of fruitless fishing, that I came, and the nets break with the over-abundance of supply.

Words I learned today

Linguistics readings are actually pretty interesting, but today's reading required a dictionary at hand.

Aegis : (n) protection; support
Inimical: (adj) unfriendly; hostile
Splenetic: (adj) irritable; peevish; spiteful. (Also, "of the spleen; splenic)
Shibboleth: (n) a peculiarity of pronunciation, behavior, mode of dress, etc., that distinguishes a particular class or set of persons.

A different kind of worship

OBEDIENCE
A love song to me
The ultimate acknowledgment
that I am God (and you are not)
Obedience
The perfect pathway
for me to pour out my blessings
and accomplish my plans in your life
Obedience
Your love song to me

Oh me of little faith

I know, I just made a post. Here's another.

Anticipating the return to campus (tomorrow for me) makes me feel a little anxious. There are many things that I'm looking forward to. Yet I get that feeling in my stomach, and these doubts and fears in my mind... not all of me is looking forward to returning.

I've been reading through Matthew, and I find it really interesting all the places that Jesus says "Oh you of little faith."

* Matthew 6:30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

* Matthew 8:25-26 The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

* Matthew 14:30-31 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

* Matthew 16:8-9 Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, "You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don't you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?

It seems that whenever God says "Oh you of little faith" it is because someone has doubted his provision; whether there will be enough food to eat, whether God will deliver from danger, whether God is strong enough or whether he cares enough.

That's how I feel right now. And I know what God is saying to me. "Oh you of little faith!" Not as a rebuke. It is God's way of saying - I WILL CARE FOR YOU!!! I will not let you fall! (or sink, in Peter's case).

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. [Mark 9:24]

The virtue lies in the struggle, not the prize

I went snowboarding today for the first time. My knees and tush are swollen and my arms are sore from picking myself up so many times- It was an excellent experience.
The first hour left me exhausted and very frustrated. I felt that I had made no progress despite extensive efforts and help from my eldest brother. At lunch I decided to grab a fortune cookie with my overpriced chicken tenders, and within I found the lovely quote (the namesake for this post) by Richard Monckton Milnes:

"The virtue lies in the struggle, not the prize."

To be honest, I'm not entirely certain what that means, nor how often it is relevant. But for today it meant hitting the slopes once more and falling, perhaps not with dignity, but with determination. Again and again. Many thanks to Gabriel Pak for the snowboard lessons, and to Jsa for being a co-conspirator in looking like fools. Can't wait to show off my awesome hand-bruise from our collision.

By the end I was able (though not willing) to make it down the hill without falling, and though I haven't mastered all the ins and outs of snowboarding I seem to have a pretty good 360 down :)

Does anyone have Bengay for me? Ibuprofen? a massage?